[Writingworkshop] Ethics

[Neale Morison]

She's my kind of gal. Likes the grey, ready to compensate with a little
extra energy of her own, wants to take care of you, flexible about what show
to see, doesn't expect you to buy dinner. She's no good for you, Antony, you
want a vegetarian.
Some of her moves I found difficult to follow, but I think if in real life
some babe were leaping around planting her feet wherever then it would be
difficult to follow.
I don't see where ethics come into it. She doesn't seem to have a problem
with ethical dilemmas, so I suppose the ethics must belong to the doc. She's
an ex-student of the Doc, so he shouldn't have had an affair with her? That
consideration seems to pale beside the distressing nature of her other
habits.
The departure from conventional reality kicked in early and worked well -
standing on top of the filing cabinet is not normal.
How can the CIA give approval for a foreign police force to operate within
the US? Maybe the FBI?
I think it could use some general editing just to tighten it up and clarify
it and remove a few awkward rhythmic and repetition effects. It's mainly
action, with very little exposition. The action is sometimes blurry and
difficult to visualize, and the exposition is unclear, so there's a lot
unexplained. Maybe we need more reaction from the doc and from the cop. We
don't see them very well.
Basically, though, it's fine. And fun. Vampires and sex. Like night swimming
and alcohol, it's a great combination. It feels like a pilot for a series.




On Mon, Dec 1, 2008 at 3:30 PM, Antony Nigel Donovan <and at mit.edu> wrote:

> First piece of fiction in quite sometime from me. Let me know what you
> think.
>
> Antony
>
>
> PS - I may be workshopping this in Joe's class, we'll see.
>
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>


-- 
Neale Morison
neale at nealemorison.com
http://www.nealemorison.com
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