[Writingworkshop] Tracking

[Antony Nigel Donovan]

Another way to go would be to find the sympathetic character hiding in
this jerk.  That might change the story in some fundamental way, so
there's that risk.

Antony

PS - After you wrote I realized I wasn't immediately annoyed with David
Manning.  It was something that grew like a fungus as the story
progressed.  I have to say, I think you're being unfair to the rum and
coke.  Dr. Manning impresses me as someone who could annoy me quite well
without a drink.

On Fri, 2009-05-01 at 12:00 +1000, Neale Morison wrote:
> Thanks Antony. I appreciate the feedback. That was one of the issues I
> was concerned about. I started him off easy and he just turned into a
> monster. I think it was the rum and coke. There's one lonely geek who
> can't handle a drink.
> Antony Nigel Donovan wrote: 
> > I read the story and something wasn't working for me.  At first, I
> > couldn't figure out what it was.  The characters are well drawn.  The
> > subject matter is interesting and relevant.  Then it hit me:  I know the
> > narrator, and I don't like him.  I don't identify with him and I don't
> > want to try.
> > 
> > So, something to consider:  tell the same story but from Tessa's POV.  I
> > believe I would find it much easier to identify with her and her
> > situation.
> > 
> > That's my take overall take.
> > 
> > Antony.
> > 
> > PS - I've been meaning to read and respond to "The Uncomfortablists",
> > but I'm finding it difficult to put aside the time it deserves.  Sorry
> > about that.  
> > 
> > On Wed, 2009-04-29 at 08:05 -0400, Adam Holland wrote:
> >   
> > > well done!
> > > I look forward to reading  it.
> > > I got a great idea for a story while studying for exams, and will
> > > probably try to write it as soon as they are over.
> > > 
> > > 
> > > On Wed, Apr 29, 2009 at 7:42 AM, Neale Morison
> > > <neale at nealemorison.com> wrote:
> > >         I wrote a first draft of  ~4000 word short story this week:
> > >         
> > >         http://www.nealemorison.com/writing/shortstories/Tracking.pdf
> > >         
> > >         
> > >         
> > >         -- 
> > >         Neale Morison
> > >         neale at nealemorison.com
> > >         http://www.nealemorison.com
> > >         35 Frazer St, Leichhardt NSW 2040
> > >         +61 417 661 427
> > >         
> > >         
> > >         _______________________________________________
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> > >         Writingworkshop at nealemorison.org
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> > > 
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> 
> -- 
> Neale Morison
> neale at nealemorison.com
> http://www.nealemorison.com
> 35 Frazer St, Leichhardt NSW 2040
> +61 417 661 427
> _______________________________________________
> Writingworkshop mailing list
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