[Writingworkshop] Tracking

[Neale Morison]

He does say some unforgivable things. Maybe if I just made them slightly 
forgivable. He's hesitant at first but then after the rum and coke he 
gets loud and confident about the worst of himself. Maybe he needs a 
little less certainty about his poison-geek convictions. I could give 
him a T-shirt: Instant Asshole, Just Add Alcohol.

Antony Nigel Donovan wrote:
> Another way to go would be to find the sympathetic character hiding in
> this jerk.  That might change the story in some fundamental way, so
> there's that risk.
>
> Antony
>
> PS - After you wrote I realized I wasn't immediately annoyed with David
> Manning.  It was something that grew like a fungus as the story
> progressed.  I have to say, I think you're being unfair to the rum and
> coke.  Dr. Manning impresses me as someone who could annoy me quite well
> without a drink.
>
> On Fri, 2009-05-01 at 12:00 +1000, Neale Morison wrote:
>   
>> Thanks Antony. I appreciate the feedback. That was one of the issues I
>> was concerned about. I started him off easy and he just turned into a
>> monster. I think it was the rum and coke. There's one lonely geek who
>> can't handle a drink.
>> Antony Nigel Donovan wrote: 
>>     
>>> I read the story and something wasn't working for me.  At first, I
>>> couldn't figure out what it was.  The characters are well drawn.  The
>>> subject matter is interesting and relevant.  Then it hit me:  I know the
>>> narrator, and I don't like him.  I don't identify with him and I don't
>>> want to try.
>>>
>>> So, something to consider:  tell the same story but from Tessa's POV.  I
>>> believe I would find it much easier to identify with her and her
>>> situation.
>>>
>>> That's my take overall take.
>>>
>>> Antony.
>>>
>>> PS - I've been meaning to read and respond to "The Uncomfortablists",
>>> but I'm finding it difficult to put aside the time it deserves.  Sorry
>>> about that.  
>>>
>>> On Wed, 2009-04-29 at 08:05 -0400, Adam Holland wrote:
>>>   
>>>       
>>>> well done!
>>>> I look forward to reading  it.
>>>> I got a great idea for a story while studying for exams, and will
>>>> probably try to write it as soon as they are over.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Wed, Apr 29, 2009 at 7:42 AM, Neale Morison
>>>> <neale at nealemorison.com> wrote:
>>>>         I wrote a first draft of  ~4000 word short story this week:
>>>>         
>>>>         http://www.nealemorison.com/writing/shortstories/Tracking.pdf
>>>>         
>>>>         
>>>>         
>>>>         -- 
>>>>         Neale Morison
>>>>         neale at nealemorison.com
>>>>         http://www.nealemorison.com
>>>>         35 Frazer St, Leichhardt NSW 2040
>>>>         +61 417 661 427
>>>>         
>>>>         
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>>>>         
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>>>       
>> -- 
>> Neale Morison
>> neale at nealemorison.com
>> http://www.nealemorison.com
>> 35 Frazer St, Leichhardt NSW 2040
>> +61 417 661 427
>> _______________________________________________
>> Writingworkshop mailing list
>> Writingworkshop at nealemorison.org
>> http://nealemorison.org/mailman/listinfo/writingworkshop_nealemorison.org
>>     
>
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>   


-- 
Neale Morison
neale at nealemorison.com
http://www.nealemorison.com
35 Frazer St, Leichhardt NSW 2040
+61 417 661 427

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