[Writingworkshop] Tracking

[Neale Morison]

I uploaded version 0.2 at the same place:
http://www.nealemorison.com/writing/shortstories/Tracking.pdf
I mitigated him slightly. I can't make him so nice she starts liking
him though. In any fiction, if you have two unattached characters and
you leave them alone for a moment you need to explain clearly why they
don't immediately leap on each other in a frenzy of passion.

On Sat, May 2, 2009 at 11:20 AM, Neale Morison <neale at nealemorison.com> wrote:
> He does say some unforgivable things. Maybe if I just made them slightly
> forgivable. He's hesitant at first but then after the rum and coke he gets
> loud and confident about the worst of himself. Maybe he needs a little less
> certainty about his poison-geek convictions. I could give him a T-shirt:
> Instant Asshole, Just Add Alcohol.
>
> Antony Nigel Donovan wrote:
>
> Another way to go would be to find the sympathetic character hiding in
> this jerk.  That might change the story in some fundamental way, so
> there's that risk.
>
> Antony
>
> PS - After you wrote I realized I wasn't immediately annoyed with David
> Manning.  It was something that grew like a fungus as the story
> progressed.  I have to say, I think you're being unfair to the rum and
> coke.  Dr. Manning impresses me as someone who could annoy me quite well
> without a drink.
>
> On Fri, 2009-05-01 at 12:00 +1000, Neale Morison wrote:
>
>
> Thanks Antony. I appreciate the feedback. That was one of the issues I
> was concerned about. I started him off easy and he just turned into a
> monster. I think it was the rum and coke. There's one lonely geek who
> can't handle a drink.
> Antony Nigel Donovan wrote:
>
>
> I read the story and something wasn't working for me.  At first, I
> couldn't figure out what it was.  The characters are well drawn.  The
> subject matter is interesting and relevant.  Then it hit me:  I know the
> narrator, and I don't like him.  I don't identify with him and I don't
> want to try.
>
> So, something to consider:  tell the same story but from Tessa's POV.  I
> believe I would find it much easier to identify with her and her
> situation.
>
> That's my take overall take.
>
> Antony.
>
> PS - I've been meaning to read and respond to "The Uncomfortablists",
> but I'm finding it difficult to put aside the time it deserves.  Sorry
> about that.
>
> On Wed, 2009-04-29 at 08:05 -0400, Adam Holland wrote:
>
>
>
> well done!
> I look forward to reading  it.
> I got a great idea for a story while studying for exams, and will
> probably try to write it as soon as they are over.
>
>
> On Wed, Apr 29, 2009 at 7:42 AM, Neale Morison
> <neale at nealemorison.com> wrote:
>         I wrote a first draft of  ~4000 word short story this week:
>
>         http://www.nealemorison.com/writing/shortstories/Tracking.pdf
>
>
>
>         --
>         Neale Morison
>         neale at nealemorison.com
>         http://www.nealemorison.com
>         35 Frazer St, Leichhardt NSW 2040
>         +61 417 661 427
>
>
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> --
> Neale Morison
> neale at nealemorison.com
> http://www.nealemorison.com
> 35 Frazer St, Leichhardt NSW 2040
> +61 417 661 427
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> --
> Neale Morison
> neale at nealemorison.com
> http://www.nealemorison.com
> 35 Frazer St, Leichhardt NSW 2040
> +61 417 661 427
>
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-- 
Neale Morison
neale at nealemorison.com
http://www.nealemorison.com