The End column, the Australian Industry Standard
Issue 13, 6 November 2000
by Neale Morison
Kyle John Farmer is a 17 year old white male, 165 cm tall and weighing 59 kilograms. Blood pressure was noted to be 130/80 and pulse 62. Physical exam was within normal limits. Muscle tone was flaccid and complexion was pallid. Medical history indicates some mild allergies.
No abnormality of gait, psychomotor retardation, tremor, or tics were evident. While p/t has experienced some depression there is no history of mood-congruent delusions, suicidal ideation or schizophrenic symptoms.
P/t has been treated for depression and anxiety with a variety of medications, including neuroleptics and antidepressants. He is currently on a program of Zarcophan, Blanduol and Rambophine, with a high dosage of Kryptonaze to reduce Zarcophan-associated hypomanic episodes and Flatugon to minimise unpleasant Kryptonaze S/Es. He has complained of drowsiness, insomnia, constipation, auditory hallucinations, formication and visual distortions as a result of this regime, which is to be expected.
P/t is articulate but given to expressing himself in dialect. In response to a basic enquiry, "How are we today?", p/t responded "Geez, Doc, I don't know about you but I'm buzzed out of my skull". The meaning of his responses is frequently unclear. To "Hello," he may reply, "Like I wonder what you meant by that, dude."
P/t was admitted for observation by his mother who reported that he was refusing to eat his dinner and spending too much time in his room playing with his computer. He emerged only to regale her with vehement assertions that he is being abused by authority figures. He insists upon being addressed as "Velocirapper", an alter-ego he has apparently adopted to disguise his feelings of inadequacy.
P/t presents a clearly organised belief system to the effect that he is being persecuted by powerful organisations who wish to harm him because of his extensive secret knowledge. In particular, he claims that agents of the FBI are reading his email. P/t asserts that the FBI has created a system for this purpose called Carnivore. When asked to describe Carnivore, he spoke excitedly in technical jargon until it was necessary to threaten restraint and sedation. P/t then gave a look which was both withering and pitying and said "Like it's a black box, dude".
The black box, representing destruction of the ego, is thrust upon the unwilling "ISP", the nurturing mother figure, and proceeds to devour the thoughts of her children. A remarkably similar symbolism is encountered in my studies of drawings by long-term inmates of correctional institutions. However when asked to draw Carnivore, p/t produced an elaborate diagram, annotated in tiny print with numerous unpronounceable symbols, repeatedly requesting more paper to expand the scale of the piece until no more was available. He then deprecated the result with what is a typical sample of his speech mannerisms:
"This is just what I'd do, they won't release the source, but you know like the core is a packet sniffer, it's just etherpeek, so it's gotta be something like this, only see here there's no way they can have access to the headers without access to the full message body so you ain't got strong encryption you're gone. And like filtering, that's AI, which is bullshit, they'll just read everything. It's not just mail, this thing does FTP, it does any thing on TCPIP, it's Big Brother on steroids."
P/t's belief system lends great weight to "the code", "the source", "the key", which empowers the bearer to defeat the forces rallied against him. Such fantasies are typical of the paranoid delusions of acute schizophrenia. The mention of steroids is interesting as steroid psychoses can be wild and manifold, however no evidence was found in urine or blood samples.
P/t admits to moderate use of psychoactive cannabinoids but denies addiction: "Can't code when you're wacked."
It was decided to ramp up the Zarcophan and to decrease the Kryptonaze dosage in order to gauge response more accurately. Any hypomania could be treated with confinement and analgesics per episode. However treatment was abruptly terminated by p/t's Great-Aunt.
I wish to go on record once again in opposing p/t's release into the care of this woman, as she displayed instability in interviews, referring to me as a "pathetic little pill-pusher" and expressing the view that I should go and stir my cauldron elsewhere. I am aware that Dame Professor Phyllis Mulch acquired a reputation in academic circles some years ago, but it is my view that her condition has deteriorated and she should be placed under observation.